I hear it all the time- chivalry is dead. As a college girl, I hear college peers drop this line weekly- chivalry is dead. I’ve thought it as well when I realize that our culture has fallen into a hookup-only culture. Watching old classic movies, and even modern movies portraying the 1940’s, it seems that guys just treated girls better in those days. Take The Notebook for example- every girl just wants to be loved the way Noah loved Allie. If they say they don’t- they’re lying or they’re crazy. So what has changed? Why did guys treat women so much better back in the days?
Answer #1- because women accepted nothing less. Allie was not interested in Noah that first night, and that made him work so much harder. Do you think Allie would’ve been attracted to Noah if he called her ‘sexy’ and only texted her after midnight? Definitely not. I once heard the advice- anything after 10pm is a booty call. Ladies, we accept the behavior we think we deserve, but we deserve the best. We deserve to be treated right, and we deserve to treat men right in return. If you start to allow a man to slack on his gentlemanly acts, he will become more and more lazy. Do you think Noah would have worked as hard if Allie jumped at him and agreed to come back to his house that night they met at the carnival? No. Women have become easy. I say this with caution, but so many women have dropped their standards because they’d rather a man love them for one night than feel lonely for that night. In reality, if they had said no to coming home with the guy that night- he would cherish her so much more. I used to have a friend that I could not stand to talk to about women because of the way he used them. One day he expressed to me that he met a girl he actually liked and genuinely wanted to take her out on a date. That Friday night, she came home with him and slept with him and initiated it. The next day he looked at me and said, now I only see her as sex. She deserved so much better than that one night of drunken pleasure, but she accepted the behavior she thought she deserved, and doesn’t even know what she missed out on.
Answer #2- because girls respected themselves. Now every girl will tell you they respect them self, but do they really? How do they act on the weekends? How eager are they when a guy starts talking to them? How do they talk about themselves and other women? How do they treat men? More often than not, a girl will jump at the thought of going on a date with the guy they just met. Due to this eagerness, this “date” usually ends up as a movie night, and ultimately turns into a co-ed sleepover. Why? Because the guy could feel the eagerness- if a girl is too available, a guy will aim for home run and most of the time will score depending on the girl. My piece of advice is you can’t be too available- you need to be busy pursuing your own interests and improving yourself. Every man and woman should be out there pursuing the improvement of themselves before they can pour their time into pursuing somebody else. Remember- you must love yourself first before you can expect somebody else to love you.
I’m not saying the lack of chivalry is our fault as a feminine gender- I am simply saying we have control and we deserve better. Men need to hold themselves to a higher standard as well, but men like a challenge- they like something to reach for. If you set the bar high, they will reach for it, and if they don’t then they are just boys, not men. I am saying that we control how we are treated- I’ve accepted less than what I deserved and it left me confused and empty. Know that you deserve so much more than you believe. Strive to be a treasure, not a target to score on.
LADIES- I challenge you to try this for a month. Respect yourself to a higher level. Don’t accept treatment that is less than perfect. See what happens and come back to me with results. I promise it works- look for men in the right places (not the bars)… try a coffee shop or your local church. Realize your worth. Realize that you deserve 365 letters in one year because a guy is that crazy about you. You deserve to have your dreams come true.
Chivalry is not dead. It just shows itself in deserving situations.